Monday, September 30
heyyyy regin.... aAaaaAaa hahahaha shhh don't laugh @ me... i was tired. yeah i was gonna blog on ur blog too yesterday night... but then my daddy kicked me off the comp. and got mad. >__< so we can just pretend that this was blogged last night. hrMmMmmM well i haven't talked to u much lately.. but dude. we never have classes together. except for that one time. that was awesome. ^__^ ur too addicted to starbucks. but now everytime somebody else has a caramel frap i think REGINA! hahaha. anyways. i will talk to you laters. luvya!
Anonymous.9:49 PM
hey guys.. im at the library right now.. very bored.. im sitting next to this dork. yeP. we're bored. or im bored.. or hes boring me. or i dunno. i have nothing to doo... i have stuff i wanna blog about.. but nothing really comes out.. yea.. end of grading perod this fridays =[ im so scared about math.. i really wanna transfer out.. but jOn told me to stay and just get a tutor or something.. siiigghhh...... SCHOOL SUX0RS. yePs. imma go blog on others. bye!
Regina.9:07 AM
Sunday, September 29
<
Regina.11:48 AM
ahh.. its sunday =[ sigh.. im too tired and too lazy to do all my homework.. how gayO. haha well jennys here! or she was here.. i dunno when shes leaving.. she doesnt even know when shes leaving.. haha but yea!! she can to visit all of us :D *dance dance dance* sO heres my day yesterday.. hahaha.. first i went to work.. then i went to volunteer for like an HOUR. haha felt kinda bad but whatever. mMm.. then i went to stephs house where we waited for jenny. we made her a welcome back sign and blew up balloons for her! and then after jenny came we tOok pictures like crazy and then waited for steph chien. then we went to gO see homesweetalabama with eri, yvonne, momo, jon, brian, and steph ou (and steph lyu, jenny, shan, steph chien, christine and me) yeP that was an okay movie. really sweet haha. and then we went GOLFING. and no one showed up. which didnt surprise me but pissed me off. ((DIANA DID THO! :D)) cuz jenny lives 6oo miles away guys.. and she only can come up so many times.. and everyones sO damn lazy to get off their asses from the computer for one night to go see her. how would YOU feel if you moved and you wanted to see all of yur friends and only a handful show up? =/ but golfing was pretty cool, my first time and i didnt lose! we made a bet in the beginning, loser has to mack on the guy at the register. hahaha.. it started out soOo funny.. and towards the end it got boring so we left after our 1oth hole. it took me TWELVE times on one hole.. hahaha it was soO sad. but then i got a hole in one. w00t. haha and for dinner.. we had.. popcorn.. candy.. starbucks/jamba.. and two bags of lays from safeway! haha.. yePs. that was basically my day. and now im here.. on a sunday.. totally not wanting to do hw.. ill post some pictures up from last night. sigh.. hw time =[
Regina.10:41 AM
Friday, September 27
oommyygoooshhh.. this week is FINALLY over!! its been sOoooooooo LONG and STRESSFUL. thank goodness its friday!! and JENNYS COMING TOMORROW! *dancedancedance* after work and volunteer =[ sigh.. thats okay. NO SCHOOL FOR TWO DAYS! chinese schools sO boring. haha but then i got fantasia.. and i got really hyper. yeOpsyeOps. yea i had a whole crapload to blog about but i dun really remember anymore.. haha i failed my biO tests.. thursday and friday.. im failing math.. sigh.. school sux0rs. ive never done so bad in school before. so much STRESS. yea okay.. i dont really feel like blogging.. but heres a SURVEY! from andOorea
Have you ever...
{x} Fallen for your best friend? yeeaa its sometimes not the bestest thing to dO.. and others its good heehee
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? nO
{x} Been rejected? hEelloo.. talking to regina here.. haha
{x} Been in love? yePp
{x} Been in lust? hahaha
{x} Used someone? sadly enough =[
{x} Been used? probably
{x} Cheated on someone? dot dot dot
{x} Been cheated on? hopefully not
{x} Done something you regret? too many times..
Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? my mommie (i HUGGED her)
{x} You talked to? jonathan
{x} You hugged? my mOmmiee
{x} You instant messaged? derek
{x} You kissed? heeheehee
{x} You yelled at? my sister
{x} You laughed with? my family
Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? nO?
{x} Considered being a hooker? not..seriously.
{x} Considered being a pimp? hAHaha what kinda questions are these?
{x} Are you psycho? probably
{x} Split personalities? i can be the biggest bitch.. and i can be nice.. i guess
{x} Schizophrenic? say WHAT?
{x} Obsessive? i dunnO
{x} Obsessive compulsive? i dunnO
{x} Panic? always
{x} Anxiety? sure
{x} Depressed? sometimes..
{x} Suicidal? have been
{x} Obsessed with hate? sometimes i think hate is what makes the world go round. hMm..
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? yEs, i believe so
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? no i dont think so
{x} Understanding: most of the time
{x} Open-minded: hahah usually
{x} Arrogant: i duNNos
{x} Insecure: YES
{x} Interesting: sure
{x} Hungry: im currently very full
{x} Friendly: if i want to be
{x} Smart: nope, but i wish i was
{x} Moody: haha yes VERY
{x} Childish: heeheehee ;D
{x} Independent: i sometimes try tO be.. but i cant really deal like that
{x} Hard working: yeS
{x} Organized: when i try
{x} Healthy: i dont think sO.. haha
{x} Emotionally Stable: hahha never
{x} Shy: depends
{x} Difficult: yes
{x} Attractive: nO
{x} Bored Easily: yes!
{x} Thirsty: kinda
{x} Responsible: i used to think i was.. haha
{x} Sad: sometimes
{x} Happy: sometimes
{x} Trusting: yePs..
{x} Talkative: yea
{x} Original: not really.. haha sadly enough
{x} Different: yeS, very
{x} Unique: everyone is..hopefully.
{x} Lonely: a lot of the time
{x} Color your hair? nOpe.. natural
{x} Have tattoos? nope.. but want one one day =]
{x} Piercings? ears, but i want my belly button and eyebrow done :D and another piercing onmy ear..
{x} Have a boyfriend? haha heeheehee
{x} Floss daily? well.. haha nO juss kidding
{x} Own a webcam? yEs.. but i dont use it
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? rarely.. haha
{x} Sprechen sie deutsche? WAT?
{x} Habla espanol? un poco. me no gusta hablar espanol. espanol es muy GAYO. haha
Currents
{x} Current Clothes: PJS. and blue sweatshirt
{x} Current Mood: hyper heehee
{x} Current Taste: something sweet
{x} Current Hair: brown
{x} Current Annoyance: school sux0rs.
{x} Current Smell: caress spray! haha
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: sleeping
{x} Current Desktop Picture: beach
{x} Current Favorite Group: shrug
{x} Current Book: i was reading flipped.. before it was overdue at the library. haha
{x} Current DVD In Player: shrug
{x} Current Refreshment: nothing
{x} Current Worry: MATH grade.. sigh
{x} Current Crush: heeheehee
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: dunno
Favorite...
{x} Food: japanese/italian
{x} Drink: pearl drinks.. or starbucks =]
{x} Color: pink
{x} Shoes: my new chinese laundry shoes :D
{x} Candy: ioNo
{x} TV Show: SMALLVILLE. w00t.
{x} Movie: i have soo many.. haha
{x} Dance: type? or.. ?
{x} Vegetable: i like veggies in general
{x} Fruit: watermelon, peaches, strawberries.. PERSIMMONS! yuM :D
On Dating.... (with most of these, it doesn't matter either way)
{x} Long or short hair? what?
{x} Dark or blond hair? doesn't matter
{x} Tall or short? TALL
{x} Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? both
{x} Good guy or bad guy? both
{x} Dark or light eyes? doesn't matter
{x} Hat or no hat? nO hat heehee
{x} Pierced or no? sure, but i dont' care
{x} Freckles or none? none
{x} Stubble or neatly shaved? depends. some guys can carry off the stubble look
{x} Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? haha depends on the guy i guess.
On preferences....
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? hot chocolate
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? mCdees
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? woudnt yur perfect lover be yur perfect friend?
{x} Sweet or sour? sweet
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? dr. pepper
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? all of them. haha all in one night
{x} Cats or dogs? puppies
{x} Ocean or Pool? doesn't matter. depends on the situation i guess.
{x} Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? cool ranch
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling? JELLO sounds fun...and at least you can eat it
{x} With or without ice-cubes? with
{x} Shine or rain? SHINE!
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? spring
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? vanilla
{x} Gloves or mittens? mittens
{x} Eyes open or closed? depends on situation.. haha
{x} Fly or breathe under water? FLY
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed...sounds fun!
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? gum
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? SAIL.. heehee
{x} Lights on or off? depends.. haha
{x} Chicken or fish? haha depends
What's your favorite:.
{x} Number? 66
{x} Holiday? christmas?
{x} Radio station? 949
{x} Place? in *someones* arms =]
{x} Flower? roses
{x} Scent? GIO!! AahHhHhhh *DAYDREAMING*
???
{x} If you could be anywhere, where would you be? read 3 questions uP
{x} What would you be doing? being happy
{x} What are you listening to? p diDdy.. winamp on randoM. haha
{x} Can you do anything freakish with your body? juss LOOKING at it okay.. haha
{x} Do you have a favorite animal, no matter how lame it may be? i dnNo.. lots. elephants.. hahaha :D
Regina.11:23 PM
Friday, September 20
hi guys.. yayyy.. its FRIDAY! but then gay chinese school xP but hoping to ditch. heehee. haha today.. i was reading through my old PLANNER (yA know.. tho lil things that we used to have a BILLION of back in like 7th grade.. it was "COOL") cuz i was looking for my friends address.. and theres this one quote i use a lot now about *someone* the [i miss you when im not with you and when i am with you i cant get enough of you] and i never really thought about where i got it from.. figured it was from some site or something.. but then i found it in one of my planner entries or watever yOod call it. i was like.. WOAH! haha, sO props to that person and sorry for stealing that quote from yOu. heeheehee. uMm.. wat else? i got STARBUCKS today! w00t. i was like debating between caramel machiatO or vanilla frap for like 5 min.. but i got a iced caramel machiatO.. and as i was half way through i hecka regretted not getting the vanilla frap. haha thats okay, now ill stay awake in chinese school - if i go. lalala. i changed my computer theme.. before it was all grey and silverish. now its blue and the themes beaches. i dunno if i really like it.. sO much BLUE. so im thinking about changing it back to grey. some useless facts you dont need to know. haha and i sorta wanna change my template back to grey tOo cuz i dont like this one >< im sO piCky. heeheehee. i hate 6th period dance guys. nO effence to anyone - i dont like the class. or the dance.. or the stretching.. and i like walczak better than graham. i miSs my 3rd period crew =[ hMm.. my brother rented legally blonde and behind enemy lines today.. gonna stay up late to watch those.. heeheehee. i have a SHITLOAD of hw this week.
BIO MOLECULE quiz (that im going to fail) -> monday
speech in lit -> tuesday
math test (that im going to fail also) ->friday
bio test -> thursday and friday
i have link crew thursday too. did you guys know all biO AP tests are 2 days long? woOpie. haha. and then i have to write a lab in biO too. you cannot IMAGINE what kinda lab reports they make us do >< its crraazzyyy. okay i think enough babbling today.. gonna go watch tv. then eat dinner then somewhere.. chinese school or not. haha byebye!
Regina.5:53 PM
Wednesday, September 18
ahhh.. i juss wanna write a lil bit because im procrastinating.. yePs. sigh.. i dont wanna finish or do my lit speech >< anyways, today i went out to lunch with lyuser, chien, ryan and andy ((anne's brother)) haha we juss went to jamba.. chien went to get coldstone.. yeP.. and then it was a pretty crappy day.. specially at art.. i hate art on wed.. i hate art period. but THEN. then my mom came to pick me up and she bought me SHOES!! ahHhhh.. they were the ones that i wanted to get like a month ago but she wouldnt get them for me cuz they were too expensive? she got them for 14 buCks! w00t. haha tOo awesome man. they're soOoo cute :D uMm.. yea thats my day. haha bye guys. speech time =[
Regina.10:12 PM
Tuesday, September 17
haha hey guys. im at school right now.. in my writing for pub class. we're not doing anything. damn, i HATE macs. growl. and i cant type on this imac. so gay. i have like another 35 min in this class.. sO boorrinng.. i already had spanish tho, cant get any worse than SPANISH. haha. mMm.. well imma gO blog in other ppls. bye!
Regina.12:04 PM
Sunday, September 15
i have lots to write about tonite.. which is okay because i have to wait for my laundry!! haha.. kinda sad..
->first off.. i dunno what bobby dick is thinking =/ so negative.. no one hates him.. i dont hate him, do you guys hate him? i dont see a sign on his forehead, dO you? and i look at him everyday.. and juss looking at him brightens my day.. and i dont think looking at a sign that says "hate me" makes me smile.. the world doesnt hate him either.. the world doesnt hate anyone.. ppl hate the world tho. unfortuneately.. and of COURSE bobby dick is important.. goshie washies.. bobby dicks not ONLY bobby dick.. bobby dick is ginas WORLD. hes my world.. =/
so i hope bobby dick realizes what he is to me and to A LOT of other ppl.. and i hope he feels better.. cuz i need my world tO feel better.. =]
->today wasnt a very good day =/ i dun really know why.. but i was in a bad mood for most of it. i woke up HAPPY tho. and then i spent the rest of the day with my family.. and it turned out.. bad.. haha. we went to go look at some more houses.. none of which we really liked. i dunno how i feel about moving.. even if i were to stay in cupertino, i dunno how i would feel about moving out of THIS HOUSE. i mean.. i dont even remember when i moved here from new york.. and ive spent soO many years in this house.. its pretty crazy.. so yea i dunno how i feel about it. my parents are looking for houses pretty much everywhere thO.. some in cupertinO, los altos, palo altO.. mostly palo alto. i dont think id like going to school in palo altO tho.. paly or gunn =/ sigh* hopefully we wont find a better house than what we have now - i love my house.
->ive been eating a LOT lately. hahaha.. like aaa llooottt.. i had Qcup yesterday =] and the day before yesterday.. thats 3 times last week. haha then we went to a buffet tonite.. i didnt really eat.. but yet i still feel yuCkie. yeps..
->avril lavign songs are good - really easy to relate to i guess. does anyone have her cd? someone wanna burn me a copy? =]
->i think i need to write another blog for my baybe. im really worried about him =/ i dunno whats wrong.. dunno whats been up lately.. i hope i havent fxcked up the best thing in my life.. agin.. like how i always do. and my heart hurts.. my heart doesnt really hurt unless somethings up with me or someone i really care about. sigh.. i always seem to mess up somehow.. im so tired of myself and my mistakes =/ usually i dont even know what i did/do wrong until its too late. sux0rs. and i dunno how to prove to him that i really care about him.. id go through anything for him.. trade it all juss for my baybe.. i dun think he really knows that.. thO ive sed it so many times.. and i think ive learned from my mistakes - some of them anyway - because im not afraid to tell him.. and i dO tell him, because i lost him the last time i didnt. now the thing is if he believes me.. and i dunno if he does.. and i dunno what to dO to make him believe!! i hope he does =/ sigh. well i hope he feels better. it hurts me to see him hurt. i hope you feel better soOn babe..1 70113 4011 =]
->all that sounded so corny. hahaha, but it was all true. imma corny persOn then i guess. heeheehee ;D
second time in my blog =]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
heehee. i think ive babbled enough for todayyysss. see yOu guys lat0rs.
Regina.11:46 PM
god hates me.. wc3 hates me.. everybody hates me.. is there like a sign on my forehead which says like hate me or something.. damn.. the world hates me.. its not like im anything important though.. right? haha.. of course not bobby.. your only bobby dick.. one little dust speck within this big wide world.. ..sigh..
Anonymous.10:42 PM
Saturday, September 14
God has cursed me. and he cursed the world when i was born.
sorry guys.
Regina.10:38 PM
9.11 story
its a really long story.. but its really sad.. and we should all learn =/
It’s been a year since it all happened, but it was
just like it happened ten minutes ago. I can remember
the ominous black clouds and the smoky debris that
covered the ground. The blocks of building wrinkled,
crumpled like paper, scattering the ground. When I
think about the flames, I can still feel the tears
drip down my face…
It was Early September and school had just started at
Brent High School in NYC. Just like any other teen, I
had mixed feelings about going back. September 4th
marked the end of lazing around on the couch flipping
through channels during the lethargic time of summer,
but it also marked the beginning of a new school year
to bond even closer with old friends and form new ones
with different classmates. Although I feared the
arduous work that would come, I was ecstatic to see my
friends again and to be able to see Ariel every day.
Overall, life was good.
On the first day of school, it was the same old. In
every class we reviewed rules and even played some
get-to-know-you games. At 17, I still found these
games amusing and relaxing. I had first period with
Ariel, and that was terrific. I’d not only wake up
thinking about her, but I could actually be with her.
I would say she’s the type of girl that makes you feel
comfortable and secure around her. When you’re with
her, you don’t want to leave her. She’s the
pure-hearted person who always sticks by you and never
judges. Even if you say the dumbest things in the
world, she would listen intently and act like every
word you said was vital. She is a truly genuine
person. I’m just so lucky that she chose me.
Well, it was basically your average first day with
virtually no work to do at home, so I decided to go
out with Ariel and Roy, my best friend. After school,
we went to watch “Shallow Hal,” and just cruised for a
few hours. I got home at about six and had some time
with my family.
This may seem corny or whatnot, but I really care a
lot for my family. They mean everything to me. My
father works in the World Trade Center and is pretty
high on the corporate level. Hence, explaining our
three-acre house with the nice gate and our tennis and
basketball courts. Anyway, he’s 43 years old and he’s
a great father. He trusts me and allows me to have
freedom, but also sets reasonable limits. For
instance, every night I need to be home by 11:30. One
thing that has brought us so close was that ever since
I was young; I’ve gone to him for my problems: whether
it was about a kid stealing my lunch money or if I was
having girl problems. My father was like a best
friend to me. My mother’s the same way. She’s 41
years old and I love her the same way I love my
father. She loves traveling and has a goal to visit
all fifty states in America. I also have a little
brother, Kevin, who is ten years old. He may be
annoying sometimes, but overall he’s the perfect
brother. He looks up to me and I guess I really enjoy
that. The day I got spikes, he got them a week later.
I’m his role model and I plan to be a good example to
him. Every night, my family truly enjoyed chatting
about what we did during the day. It was sort of a
special bond between us. We didn’t ask “How was your
day today?” just to start a conversation. We were the
type of family that never ran out of things to say to
each other. There were no secrets between us. I
loved that about my family and dinner was always a
pleasure for me.
The next days I woke up doing the same routine. Every
class had close to no homework every night. We were
still playing games in class and having discussions of
what we did over the summer. This has got to my
favorite week of school and I was savoring every
second of it. I knew with my four AP classes, that
soon school would become hell for me. Well, I figured
I’d take everything as it came so, what the hell,
might as well go out this weekend. Roy, Ariel, and I
planned on going to Six Flags Darien Lake.
On Friday, during dinner, I brought up our plan to my
parents. My parents, being the awesome parents that
they are told me to have fun, but bring my brother. I
had no problem with him tagging along. I knew how
much he looked up to me and I could never turn that
down. Besides, Ariel loves him and I’ve been taking
him around for years. He never causes any trouble so
I figured there would be no problem.
I woke up at 7 a.m. and quickly woke up Kevin and got
ready. We arrived at Six Flags at about 9 and my
brother rushed in like a kid in a candy store. The
first ride as we enter is Superman, a leg dangling
in-your-face coaster. Guess there was no warm-up ride
today. Kevin shot out and was at the line before any
of the three of us were through the gate. The day was
going great and everyone was having fun. After about
8 hours, it was time for us to leave the park.
Kevin’s day of hanging with the big guys was over, but
I’d have to admit I had a ton of fun. Our day was
filled with exhilarating rides, popcorn fights, and
winning great carnival prizes. It was a great day.
After I took my little brother home, Ariel and I
decided to have some alone time. We made a picnic
basket and trotted out to the hill close to our
neighborhood. Gosh, the mood was marvelous. I had
the perfect girl staring into my eyes looking at a
bright star-lit night. This may seem cliché or lame,
but it was a great moment. We were cuddled together
in our blanket just stargazing. Still I wished I
could give her so much more. I dreamed that I could
go up into the sky and grab down every star and wrap
it for her. I wished that every start she pointed it
could be named after her, and in our little world they
all were. It was getting close to 11 and we’ve been
there for about 4 hours now, so it was time to take
her home. I looked into her eyes; they looked liked
the prized pearls of the ocean and shined even more
bright than any star we saw that night. It was such a
great feeling to have her looking back and
automatically; we had that perfect kiss under a starry
night. It was the perfect ending to the best week of
my life.
Monday, my perfect life had taken a wrong turn, and
the mood seemed to be changing. It began with a 2
a.m. phone call that woke up the entire house. It was
my mom’s brother in law, Steve, calling from Los
Angeles. At first, my response was anguish. “Uncle
Steve, are you retarded, there is a freaking three
hour difference?” I thought. Unfortunately, it was
definitely that urgent. Auntie Janie had become
unconscious and it seems as if her time was coming up.
She’s had breast cancer for 10 years and since then
she’s had nine operations that have all failed. Her
health was deteriorating and my mother had to leave as
soon as possible. With this, she phoned my Uncle Ben.
Uncle Ben lived in Boston and told her that he
wouldn’t be able to leave until Tuesday morning.
Three hours later, my mother was on a flight to Boston
to leave with her brother tomorrow.
Now that I think back, I just can’t describe it. All
I can say is wow. There hasn’t been anything tragic
in my family and nothing has ever happened so close to
home. I went to school with a heavy heart. Inside, I
felt like someone had tied all my organs together and
told me to hold my breath. Auntie Janie was my
favorite aunt, and nothing could make me feel any
better. The fact that I couldn’t be there by her bed
right now bothered me even more. As always, Ariel was
there for me. She seems to know everything to do to
make me feel better. All she needed to do was listen
to what I was feeling and I slowly felt the knots
untangle with each emotion that I let out to her. By
the end of school, I was starting to hope that Auntie
Janie could live and be able to cook her specialty
soup to us this coming Christmas. How wrong I was…
This day seemed like it would never end and I was
waiting for Uncle Steve to give me an update.
Finally, after an eternity he called. Auntie Janie
was in critical but stable condition. I felt myself
let out a sigh of relief, and yet at the same time, I
knew it wasn’t over yet. Hearing the news soothed me
quite a bit, but of course I still had mixed feelings.
As I laid myself to sleep, thoughts were speeding
through my brain. What if something goes wrong? What
if she’s gone? What if I can never see her again?
What if there’s an empty seat at Christmas? What if…
I went to sleep dreary and tired. I was as tight and
nervous as a tug of war rope.
I woke up feeling the same way. Well, at least there
wasn’t going to be any surprises. Just as that
thought crossed my mind, the phone rang. It was Roy.
He told me to turn on the TV and flip to the first
news channel. “Breaking News – Terrorism.” There
were ominous black clouds and debris all over. The
screen looked like a scene from “Saving Private Ryan.”
Stunned, I dropped the phone. “United Flight 11 has
crashed into North Tower at the WTC…”
I must have stood there for minutes for when I picked
up the phone, there was no one there anymore. My
father worked at North Tower. Oh I hoped he was late
for work. Shit. This can’t happen. No. No way.
Why? What the hell? I quickly tried his cell and
hoped that someone would be there. No. It was his
answering. My mind was racing, my heart was beating
faster, and I was gasping for air. My head was
spinning, this can’t be happening. I need to reach
him now. Daddy, where are you? I felt like a young
boy who had just lost his father in a supermarket. I
couldn’t let go of the chance that he was still alive.
Who was I kidding…
Then I saw it “American Flight 11 from Boston to
LAX.” You have got to be kidding me. I had no clue
what flight my mother was on, but I prayed that I
didn’t lose them both. I was racing again. I felt
like a thousand rose needles had just poked me all
over my body. It was getting rather cold and I was
shivering. I remember clearly now, looking at the
clock it was 9:21.
By now, Kevin had woken up and was wondering why I had
not woken him up. Soon, as he sat down beside me, he
learned why school was cancelled. At once, he began
to cry furiously. I tried my best to comfort him.
With his head in my chest I felt my shirt moisten. I
wanted to cry with him, but I had to stay strong. If
I lost hope, how could he have any left? I heard
myself say, “Kevin, don’t worry, I’m sure everything
will be ok. Mom and Dad are fine.” I don’t know if
anyone believed those words because inside, I was
weeping myself.
Finally, after a good ten minutes of bawling, I
managed to soothe Kevin and stop his crying. He was
sitting on the couch, just watching. He was silent.
Kevin was almost never silent. This was a hard moment
for me. I told him I hadn’t brushed my teeth and I
went to the bathroom. I bumped the toilet seat down
and sat there – weeping silently, knowing the
inevitable news would come. When I left I washed my
face and made sure there were no instances that I had
been crying. I went back to watch TV and get my
update. When I got there, I saw a list of names. It
was the list of the deceased from Flight 11. I sat
there intently hoping not to see my mother’s and my
uncle’s name. As I watched “Benjamin Jacobson” scroll
the screen, I sat there dumbfounded. I prayed so hard
not to watch “Elise Richards,” but what kind of person
survives a plane explosion. Kevin and I sat there
silent, waiting for the unavoidable news. And there
it was… “Elise Jacobsen Richards.”
Kevin was crying violently and I could contain myself
no longer. I sat next to him crying silently, feeling
every ounce of his pain and his agony. Today, I lost
something that I would give up everything to have. By
now, I was getting pessimistic and was begging God
inside. I begged that he spared my father. There was
still no news of him.
I could take no more, but sitting next to me was this
being that looked up to me. I had to stick beside
him. Kevin was screaming, kicking, and hitting
everything in his way. I ran up and I grabbed him and
held him. I knew I probably should have tried to stop
his crying, but what was the point. Nothing I said
now would calm him. I held him while he cried for
hours on end. When he had stopped crying, Kevin had
fallen asleep in my arms.
Kevin and I stayed home alone silent, morbid for hours
awaiting our father’s return. It was 6 now, and there
had been on contact with him. We eyed the garage door
like an eagle spotting its prey. We waited and waited
for my father’s car to pull up and to comfort us and
tell us that everything was okay. He never came back…
I could hold it in no longer. I remembered the vision
of the flame, and I felt tears burning down my cheeks.
For so long, I had tried to lie to myself that CBS
could’ve made a mistake, but even I knew that couldn’t
be. I sat there silent, motionless. My morale had
died. Everything was over.
Now that I reminisce on that day, I can still taste my
sorrow in my heart. I still remember finally being
able to stop playing the tough guy and let it all out
when I cried myself to sleep. Nothing anyone said
could make anything better. It was the first time
that Ariel couldn’t help.
Still, I knew I had to keep my belief in God and that
everything had a reason for happening. As the year
anniversary of my parents’ death passes, I know now
that I have grown so much as a person. No longer do I
have that perfect, happy go lucky world. I learned
first hand what hate motivated behavior amounts to and
how difficult it is to live without a family. This
day last year, I had lost everything, and experienced
the worst feeling anyone can ever feel: to not be able
to do anything when you see you world crumbling before
your eyes. To this day, I’m still looking for God’s
reason for punishing us. I don’t care how corny it
seems, but it feels, as if my parents had never left
me at all. Every night, I hear voices in my head and
I feel a soul creeping inside of me, guiding me.
Especially during my dreams, I know they are still
with me. It seems as though they had loved me so much
that they still are trying to lead me to happiness. I
just wished every time I woke up from this dream, that
it was a reality. When I wake up, the visions go away
and I’m faced with truth. As each day passes, it takes
me one step closer to seeing them again.
My name is Caleb Jacobsen and this was my tragic story
of September 11th.
My name is Caleb Jacobsen and this was my tragic story
of September 11th.
Regina.10:07 PM
hehe.. today wasnt to good of a day.. blergy.. jeff got mad at me.. cuz my parents were here when i was wc3ing with him.. and i died.. luckily hes good enough to take them two on one or whatever.. yea.. gay.. so i didnt feel like playing anymore.. and then.. i go ahh what the hell and i go play another game .. haha..and i lose.. what a buncha crap heads.. im NEVER playing wc3 again in my freaking life.. how gayyyyyy.. and yea.. its no good.. no ones online.. blerggggggy.. ggrowlll. ladeeda.. regina.. you swore a lot.. i get to hit you like eight times.. im not counting.. but im hoping its eight.. if not.. oh well.. heh >< blEEEEEEEEEErgy
Anonymous.7:11 PM
Friday, September 13
well today was a bad day. first i woke up pissy. too early in the morning too. so i could get to school at 7 to ask ando some fucking questions for our math test cuz he doesnt teach for shit in class. but guess what? hes not there. and then guess wat now? he gets a fucking sub. wtf is wrong with him? so whatever.. i go to first completely dead.. second isnt any better cuz ill im doing is studying and stressing for test.. 4th period comes around i fucking bomb my math test and skipped two questions which total 12 points and the highest score i can get from there is a B - not including the mistakes i made on the other problems. but im like.. its okay.. watever.. so i try to cheer up.. get to 5th bored out of my fucking mind. lunch isnt any better. dance is gay. bio was okay. i have so many names now. but watever. im freaking hungry cuz i havent eaten all day.. but no cant get food cuz we go to look at houses. and then i go to ortho and wait for the doctor for like an hour when i only see her for a min max. go to dinner - HIGHLIGHT OF MY FREAKING DAY - then go to chinese school. 5o minutes go by waaay too slow. went to class 6 minutes late because i didnt hear the bell and it went downhill from there. how much more downhill could it get you think? thats wat im talking about man. watever.i wanna go to sleep im so fucking tired but im so fucking tired that i cant get out of my seat. i have work tomorrow - what joy. then gay volunteer for 3.5 fucking hours that seem to go on forever. life is juss dandy. and whenever you need someone to talk to, no ones ever around. watever man.
Regina.10:01 PM
Thursday, September 12
ah HAH! your cheating on me eh? your entry with the someone guy.. gRrrrRrr.. imma find out who it is.. regina.. im ashamed.. ..nods head.. no good.. >< imma go cry in my little corner now
Anonymous.9:02 PM
Wednesday, September 11
listen >> heRe
for the entire year.. i didnt shed a tear for the ones we, as a nation, have lost. i havent shown any emotion what so ever for the event that took place on this day one year ago - not until today. it has taken me one whole year to realize what has happened to us.. and what has happened to the friends and family that lost a loved one. for the employees that went to work thinking it was juss another day, but found out it was their LAST day - ever. for the parents who left home thinking they would return later that evening to see his/her spouse and children, only to realize they will never see them again and would have to PHONE them to say goodbye - if they were LUCKY. but one year later, i do not believe we should dwell on the past. i do not believe in reliving emotions that we have tried to keep buried. i do not think that crying the endless tears again will help in any way. but i do think that there is a lesson behind this. i do believe that everything happens for a reason. and perhaps the reason for this is so we are to learn a valuable lesson. everyone in this world takes everyone and everything else for granted. we live each day thinking there WILL BE a tomorrow - but do we know that for sure? does anyone know for sure? does it really take too much effort and energy to tell your friend that youre thankful that they're there for you? to tell your parents you love them? are you going to take the chance and assume they already know? what if they DONT?
if i knew itwould be the lat time
id see you fall asleep,
i would tuck you tightly
and pray the lord to keep.
if i knew it would be the last time
that ill see you walk out that door,
i would give you a hug and a kiss
and call you back for one more.
if i knew it would be the last time
id hear your voice up in praise,
i would videotape each action and word,
so i could play them back, day after day
if i knew it would be the last time,
i would spare an extra minute of two
to say "i love you"
instead of assuming you know i do.
if i knew it would be the last time
i would be there to share your day,
well im sure yoo'll have many more,
so ill let this one slip away
for surely theres always a tomorrow
to make up for the oversight
and we always get a second chance
to make everything right.
there will always be another day to say our
"i love yous" and certainly another chance
to say our "anything i can do's?"
but just in case i might be wrong
and today is all we get
id like to say how much i love you
and hope we never forget.
tomorrow is not a promise,
young or old alike,
and today may be the last chance to hold your love ones' tight.
so if youre waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
for it tomorrow never comes,
yoo'll surely regret the day.
so hold your love ones' close today,
whisper in their ear
tell them how much you love them
and that yoo'll always hold them dear.
take the time to say "im sorry"
"please forgive me" "thank you" or "its okay"
and if tomorrow never comes,
yooll have no regrets about today.
juss something to think about. its a lesson to be learned. so i take the time now.. to tell all my friends.. all the ones that have been there for me.. all the ones that have shaped me into the person i am today.. good and bad alike, thank you because i am who i am because of you. thank you for putting up with me and for taking care of me, for making me a better person, for loving me. i love yOu guys.
Regina.9:18 PM
Tuesday, September 10
imma blog agin =] heehee im soo bored =[ no ones talking to regina. cept ryan.. sorta. not really. haha now im on the phone with my brother wee hes coming home thursday morning :D that means fun fun fun!! and more STARBUCKS!! :D heeheehee. i should be doing hw.. i feel wrong juss sitting here so early during the night doing nothing.. i could do biO.. i should, but i left my binder at school. i only have math tomorrow.. WHICH IM SO SCREWED ON. i hated proofs in geometry.. but now in alg2/trig.. ima kill myself. for the last two assignments i didnt get ONE SINGLE answer.. and copied it all down from the back of the book. and our chap 2 test is friday. sigh. i think i juss might transfer out.. theres NO WAY imma get an A in that class.. and my goal all through highschool is 4.o or higher.. and im not gonna freaking let math screw me over SOPHOMORE YEAR!! >< its really hot tonite yeP yeP yeP. siiigghhhhh.. i feel GUILTY sitting here doing nothing! lOok what mv has done to me.. haha club day wed!! or thursday! i dunno which one.. i dunno if i should dO key club or octogon this year.. key club doesnt really dO much.. buts its like nationwide.. sorta.. and i dunno if octogon is.. and then i think i might do hip hop crew for reals this year? and mikes club.. watever its called.. haha and the one chien told me about.. i forget what theyre all called.. haha i am gonna devote myself to acedemics and clubs and stuff this year - i PROMISE. i have to.. sigh. okay.. imma gO.. FIND something to do.. bye guys!
Regina.10:30 PM
i can love you like that.all4one
they read you cinderella
you hoped it would come true
that one day your prince charming would come rescue you
you like romantic movies
and you never will forget
the way it felt when romeo kissed juliet
and all this time that you've been waiting
you don't have to wait no more
i can love you like that
i would make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart
be all that you need
show you you're everything that's precious to me
if you give me a chance, i can love you like that
i never make a promise
i don't intend to keep
so when i say forever
forever's what i mean
i'm no casanova
but i swear this much is true,
i'll be holding nothing back
when it comes to you
you dream of love that's everlasting
well baby open up your eyes...
i can love you like that..
i think the guys voice in the beginning is sexy =] heeheehee.
yea.. i guess that was juss a song of the day. ryan was singing it in the car.. he took me and sharq ((shark? i duNNo..)) out to lunch today.. we ended up going to togos AFFTER we went to tung kee.. and alost went in did ryan decide he wanted togos instead. haha.. then he went over this fat curb. smart boy.. im gonna end up driving better than him.. haha IM BORED. i should be doing hw.. but im sO full and hot and i dont feel like it. i actually wanan go out =[ gO chill at starbucks baybe. i transfered out of 3rd period dance and intO spanish and out of 6th period spanish tO dance! heehee. we'll see how it goes.. but now i had 9o minute of dance today.. and im going to have ANOTHER 9o tomorrow.. but no spanish for two days :D haha i forgot my lit hw today >< my whole binder actually. sigh, but thankfully she didnt collect it.. but still! okay imma gO.. take a shower.. and then i promise ill do hw =) heehee bye guys.
Regina.7:26 PM
Sunday, September 8
boBby dick has to post and publish the next time he blogs. haha.. anyways..
i shouldnt really be blogging.. im in the middle of doing my bio hw.. haha but i feel like telling yOu and this someone something tonite. theres this person.. that i know.. thats made a really big impact on my life. i mean.. HUUUGGEEE. haha and i juss want to let this certain someone how lucky i am and how greatful i am tO have him in my life. i dunno if ive ever told him that.. and if i have i dunno if hes ever believed me.. but i am very happy that ive met this person. hes done a lot for me.. hes been there for me when i needed someone to talk tO.. or juss when i need to babble about nothing at all. hes been there when i needed a shoulder tO cry on.. there with a sweatshirt if i was cold ;D and i juss wanted tO let him know that im very thankful for him and for everything hes ever done for me.. and that ill be here for him whenever, whereever.. til the end of time
thanks babe 143 =]
Regina.9:54 PM
hello guys. doody.. reanimation is cool.. yay! get it! its so good.. :D
Anonymous.8:22 PM
i was happy before i got home.. i was even happen the minute i got home. and i had all this stuff i wanted to blog about.. but now that minutes gone. i feel like shit and i dont feel like blogging.
Regina.8:19 PM
Saturday, September 7
new template.. i dunno if i really like it.. i dunno what color it should be? should i gO back to grey? dark blue? black? purple? help!
Regina.11:09 PM
hola! haha tikkimumbaians are ... tikkimumbish :D haha ooh heres a song i LOVE:
there she goes- babyface ft NERD
theres somethine about her
you know, its the way that she carries herself
shes just so bad
ooh, i dont know
her style, her mind
compares to nothing on this earth
shes not the kinda to share
only god knows what shes worth
i got to show her that i want her
i recognize that she is bad
if i cant have her then ill go crazy
spending all my time just chasing
x2
her eyes, her smile
her skin, her smell, her hair
her walk, her talk
her way her savoir faire
there she goes
i hope to find her there
gotta make some eye contact
shes not the kind to stare
move quick or lose her fast
anyways.. so whats up reg? hows life for ya? haha way too much hw 0_o blECchh! haha and chinese school.. well ill talk to you laters :)
Anonymous.11:05 AM
Monday, September 2
yAayy.. bloggers working agin. haha before it wasnt.. and i was getting angry >:I lalala.. anyways.. i went shopping today.. vF but didnt buy anything. i got JDs late late late late b-Day present. haha. i finished my spanish hw thanks to kEn so thank you lil bro.. haha i promised to be nice to him today. i was heckkaa tired today.. thanks to SOMEONE. sheesshhh.. and i woke up at 11 when my mommie kept nagging me to get up at 9.. heeheehee. sO now i have lit and dance left.. i started ahead on math hw.. i know its like DOT DOT DOT.. haha well dinner now. laters
Regina.7:21 PM
Sunday, September 1
im procrastinating ;D heeheehee.. i really wanna gO OUT. like ANYWHERE. even with my mom, i hate my house >< my rooms hecka messy man.. haha gots tuh clean it laters. mM.. you know what im hellah digging now? [trade it all] fabulous ft. jagged edge. its an old song.. haha but i never really listened listened to it before the dance. and [hey ma] cam'ron
Hey ma, what's up, lets slide, all right, all right
And we get it on tonight
You smoke, I smoke, I drink, me too, well good
Cause we gon get high tonight
Got drops, got Coups, got Trucks, got juice, all right
Cause we gon take a ride tonight
So ma, what's up, let's slide, all right, all right
And we gon get it on tonight
lilazn moOn lyt (10:23:43 PM): how bout i call yOu servant
lilazn moOn lyt (10:23:46 PM): and you can call me queen
sumingpride (10:23:52 PM): ok queen
sumingpride (10:23:59 PM): is there nething else u want me to do
lilazn moOn lyt (10:25:18 PM): you can do my hw for me servant
sumingpride (10:25:26 PM): ok
talking about weird words.. like hug, fuck and regina xP.. haha
lilazn moOn lyt (11:47:09 PM): and RYAN
lilazn moOn lyt (11:47:10 PM): and LOSER
lilazn moOn lyt (11:47:14 PM): since ryans a loser!
CuTeTeNnIsBoI (11:47:15 PM): exactly
lalala.. I DONT WANNA DO HOMEWORK. dammnn.. where is everyone on a sunday morning? shieetss.. well im out. bye!
Regina.10:59 AM
